it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
