Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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