OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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