I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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