Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
