dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i will never coherently bang her
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
