Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
