He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
