Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
