If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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