lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
