Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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