i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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