4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize