come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
