I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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