dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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