I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
