Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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