And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
