Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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