You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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