I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
