Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
