he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
