Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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