omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
