I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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