My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
