walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
