He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
