garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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