I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
