Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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