I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
