He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
