and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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