He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
