I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
