Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
