I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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