my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
