I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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