woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
