i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
