I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
