I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
