Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
