she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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