Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
