i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
