Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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