You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
