Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
