you turned your livingroom into a bong?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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