WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
