I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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