Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
