You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
