i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
