I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
