I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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