Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize