Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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