So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
