I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
