god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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