Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
