And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
