if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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