I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
