I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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